Game of Drones: A Hostile Review is Coming

Posted: May 14, 2016 in Culture, TV & Movies
Tags: , , , ,

(This blog may contain spoilers from Season 1 of the HBO series, Game of Thrones. That said, if you haven’t started watching it by now, read on anyway and I’ll save you the trouble.)

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So it’s Saturday. My day off-ish. I finally decided to binge-a-thon Game of Thrones t­­­o see what all the fuss is about.

After two episodes, the story was building at such a snail’s pace (interlaced heavily with uninspiring acting, cheap nudity, and incest) I could barely keep my eyes open. T­he cliffhangers, however, of episodes 1 and 2 (an attempted murder of Sean Bean’s son and the son waking from an apparent coma respectively) peaked my interest just barely enough to forge bravely on to episode 3.

Then I finished episode 3.

Good LORD. I cannot take any more boobs and boring.

In regards to the boobs, don’t get me wrong, in general they don’t bother me. It’s the completely random, pointlessness of the boobies on this show. It’s as if the director, while filming, asked, “When’s the last time we had some boob?… Ten minutes?!? We’d better throw a couple topless chicks in here then.” And don’t get me started on the one-positional sex scenes. Seriously?

As for boring? The writing is boring. The wolves are boring. The blond chick with the dragon eggs is boring. The hot warrior dude is hot, but still boring. And, bless him, but Sean Bean is BORING BORING BORING.

I don’t care anymore if winter is coming. I don’t care if dragons are coming. I tried. Even a zombie apocalypse couldn’t save this show for me. I know there’s (at least) 5 more seasons left, and maybe it does get better, but I’d prefer to save the rest of my Saturday, my time, my sanity, and just imagine my own ending right now:

Winter finally comes. Sean Bean’s son pushes the icky queen out a window. All the douche bags on the show (and there’s A LOT of them) all fall on their swords. And the rest of the kingdom (or whatever) freeze (with “Let It Go” flare) in their stupid, fur coats bringing a swift and satisfactory, non-doggy style climax to Game of Drones.

The end.

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Comments
  1. 🙂 I don’t think we’d agree on anything about the show, but I enjoyed reading your perspective on it. Very entertaining.

    Enjoy your Saturdays, it’s cool. No one should ever spend time on something they’re not into, unless they have to or whatever.

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